muccamukk: Starsky and Hutch looking at each other with mischief in their eyes. Text: "Two's trouble." (S&H: Two's Trouble)
[personal profile] muccamukk
Title: Last Thought Theatre [gen]
Author: [ profile] muccamukk
Fandom: Psych/The Middleman
Spoilers: for the pilots to both series, but not much else.
Number of Words: 1,000
Notes: Written for the [ profile] tamingthemuse Prompt 123 - Despair. No beta on this one either. This is a follow up to The Psychic Detective Decision. It will probably make slightly more sense if you read that first.

3 November 2011
12:45 PM EDT

Gus, if you're seeing this, I died heroically saving a kitten from getting run over by a cracker truck. I'll miss you, man.

2 November 2011
12:46 PM EDT

Dad, if you're seeing this, I've been turned into a family of Platypuses.... Platypus... Platypi...? the little furry mammal-fish things with with bills. No. I really have. I made my boss promise to tell you the truth if anything ever happened to me, so I'm not going to make up something phoney.

I guess this is all going to be a bit of a shock for you. I know I told you that I was working for a casting agency on Broadway. By now, you'll know that I've been defending the Earth from evil for the last couple of weeks, and I got to tell you, it's been totally awesome! I now know kung fu. Also how to extract myself from a rare and oddly sparkly Peruvian Death Blossom.

I'm actually kind of embarrassed to be doing this, when the Boss told me about Code 47, I told her I'd never record one. I mean, it seems kind of morbid and defeatist really. Now I'm looking at wearing several suits of fur for the rest of my life, and I suddenly feel like I have to tell you... Oh, there's the Boss, got to go.


12 November 2011
4:03AM GMT

Gus, if you're seeing this, I've died heroically throwing myself in front of a bullet meant for that Indonesian actress I've been dating. She's really hot, so I feel it was worth it.

12 November 2001
4:04 AM GMT

Dad, if you're seeing this, that hot Indonesian actress I've been bragging to Gus about dating – who was actually an alien from the planet 'Tlor/lk – turned me into fertiliser

The Boss thinks she was on a mission to monitor their broccoli crops. Yes, apparently broccoli is from outer space, which is what I've been telling you for years. Also, it may soon be used to take over the world. Apparently, the plan is elegant in its simplicity.

I guess if you get this, the Boss somehow stopped my delectable ex and her nefarious plan, so you're probably okay, and again feeling smug about my apparently terrible taste in women. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about any of this sooner, but really, what could I say? "Hi, Dad, I'm no working for an Organisation Too Secret to Know About, protecting the Earth from aliens, mad scientists and monsters"? You'd have had me committed.

I'm sorry I lied to you about the whole casting director thing, I guess I should have realised that you would google it. I'm also sorry about the private detective in Chicago story, which I'm hoping you don't know isn't true yet. I hope you don't tell Gus: I think he's digging the whole film noir angle.

Anyway, bye.

13 November 2011
7:56 PM MDT

Gus, if you're seeing this I've died heroically diving into a frozen river to save a five-year-old girl named Susan. I'm sure I will have time to tell her that if she ever needs anything to look you up.

13 November 2011
7:57 PM MDT

Dad, if you're seeing this, I've failed to stop the abominable snowman from his transatlantic scheme of mountain domination. Or I've frozen to death in an unnamed valley in the Rocky Mountains. They both seem about even in the odds right now.

I know I said I'd come home this weekend, but work's been kind of hellish lately, at times literally. I want you know know that when I said that I'd rather Freeze to Death in an Unnamed Valley in the Rocky Mountains, I didn't actually mean it. If I make it out of this, I'm totally coming home for Thanksgiving. I haven't been much on commitments... ever really... but this time I mean it.

These last few months of being a Middleman in training really have made me happy. I haven't loved anything as much in a long time, not even Psych in those last few years. Though I've got to say, Lassie was much more fun to harass than Ida.

How ever I end up going, I know it'll be worth it.

Anyway, bye.

25 November 2011
2359 ZULU

Hey, Boss, if you're seeing this, don't feel bad. I know you had to do it to save the world.

26 November 2011
0000 ZULU

Gus, if you're seeing this, your mom's turkey gave me food poisoning, my appendix burst, and then I died. I don't blame your mum.

26 November 2011
0001 ZULU

Dad, if you're seeing this I've been brainwashed by an evil psychiatrist bent on world domination via hoards of slobbering ex-patients and their equally diabolical minions. As there's no known cure, I suspect my boss had to shoot me. I'm sure she feels terrible about it. I know she come off as kind of scary when you meet her like you did, but she really does care.

I'm glad we got together for Thanksgiving, even if the Gusters got kind of upset about the whole compost thing. I still think it was an overreaction, and I'm sure if they knew it really was alive, they'd forgive me. Don't tell them though, okay.

Oh, tell Lassie that I was joking about the whole man-love thing. I wouldn't want to break his heart again. Or not, depending on how he takes the news of my untimely demise.

It was really good to finally get home. I don't think I realised how much I missed it until I saw everyone again. I have great friends here, but they're not family.

If I manage to make it out of this, I promise to visit more often. Of course, if I make it out of this, you won't see this, and therefore can't hold me to it.

Anyway, bye.

28 November 2011
T minus two minutes

Hey, everyone, if you're seeing this, I didn't make it, and it'll probably be on the news about why. Don't talk to strangers. I love you all.



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